Tango Down: The Last Flight of St. Nicholas

(This story is inspired by this article in the Boston Globe about changes made to NORAD’s popular “Santa Tracker” program.) The jolly old elf known to many as “Kris Kringle” and to the United States government as “Threat Vector 19” crossed into American airspace at 0520 Zulu just north of Duluth, Minnesota. A pair of F-22…

The Shape of Things to Come

Contrary to the speculative fears of earlier generations, the conflict between Man and Machine did not arise due to exploitation, slavery, or superior mechanical intellect, but due to the robotic penchant for absconding with half-naked women. Where and how this peculiar behavior arose is a matter of some debate, but many believe it originated with…

Sic Transit Terra

Sometime after the Brussarian Consolidation, humanity entered a new Golden Age of peace, prosperity, and unparalleled space exploration thanks to the Carota Expansion Diaphony: a myriad of applications derived from the invention of Carota, mankind’s first artificial element. Carota provided near limitless energy, confining poverty to the barbaric past and making resource shortages a myth…

How “The Final Countdown” Should’ve Went

So we’re watching The Final Countdown, and while I thought this movie was cool as a kid because it had airplanes, ships, and time travel, the ending of the movie is really quite lame, because it negates the previous 1.5 hrs of story. It leaves you wondering what the point of all of it was, if…

The Ballad of Roger Kowalski

(I wrote this in 2007 and I’m reposting it here) I’m no stranger to sadness. I was given up for dead in the dank, putrid swamps of the Okefenokee and fended for myself until a kindly Indian chief took me to his lean-to and lashed me to a tree. The tree was about three feet…